It has been 20 years now since we lost Clayton. He was born May 2nd 1947 and we lost him just shy of his 49th birthday due to complications from the AIDS virus.
Clayton was gay. Back when he came out, I was in the United States Navy. He was still in graduate school earning his Master's Degree in Applied Voice. It really doesn't seem that long ago.
For those of my generation, homosexuality was not a very widely accepted lifestyle, to be sure. I had a very difficult time accepting who he was. Thing is, though, that was not his problem. That was my problem. It took me a very long time to be able to come to that realization and to a level of acceptance I'd been unwilling to reach during that very, very uncomfortable interlude.
Reality is, Clayton taught me so many things, not the least of which was to debate and argue and question everything.
George Carlin, one of my favorite comedians, may he rest in peace, also said something along those lines - that we should question everything. And that's something that my brother Clayton did. He questioned everything. He also taught me, much to the chagrin of some of my friends and family on a certain social network we participate on (all ya'll know who you are, and, no, I ain't gonna stop, and, thanks, Big Bro for setting me on that path cuz now I can tell everyone to blame you for me questioning them), to question everything.
Clayton also taught me tolerance, not only of his life-style and for others who were also living that life-style, but in so many other things, as well.
One of those things was that rock and roll isn't the only kind of music out there. There were many fights over what we were going to listen to on that old stereophonic record player as we did the dishes following any meal (yeah, I AM that old).We didn't have dishwashers back then, nor did we have IPhones with music downloads on them. In fact, we didn't have that now outmoded form of music storage known as CD's, either. But, I digress....
Fights. We had them. Loud and obnoxious fights. Never ending fights....at least to Mom and Dad they seemed never ending. But, I don't remember Mom or Dad ever intervening in any of those "fights" unless they came to blows, and of course they NEVER came to blows, right? Yeah, right.....
When he passed, he and I had finally been able to accept each other, once again. I can't think of it in any other terms than those. Reconciliation just doesn't seem to fit or to be appropriate for some reason. Acceptance is much more descriptive of our struggle to once again "know" each other.
Building a "new" relationship between us was a tough road, though, and is one I cherish to this day because he taught me so very, very much as we went down that road. Please don't get me wrong --- those lessons were hard, very hard for me to learn if for no other reason than he was right most of the time. And, therein lies the lessons for me. I'm stubborn, and so was he. Nothing came easy on this road to acceptance. Nothing! But lessons could be, and were, definitely learned...by both of us.
And, therein, lies the reason I cherish those lessons so much - the fact they didn't come easily to either one of us right alongside the fact we both learned from each other, albeit reluctantly most of the time. We both dug in our heels. We both chastised each other. We both yelled and fought and screamed and....well, you get the picture. But we learned from each other. That....that right there is why I miss those lessons, and why I miss my Older Brother so deeply.
All that being said, if I'm going to be truly altruistic, I also need to give credit where credit is due with regard to "lessons learned". That belongs to both our parents when it comes right down to it. They, more than anyone, instilled in both of us the values necessary to be able to communicate and accept, no matter how difficult either of those things might be at times. So, thank you Mom and Dad. You done good....really good as far as I'm concerned.
With that, I'll stop for now. Part 2 of this Big Brother set will be soon to follow.
Rest in Peace, Big Bro!!!
